listen to where you hurl from 4/22/18

if I live in the world of answers

I accept the imprisonment of familiarity.

my constant prayer is the naming of everything.

from there, 

I am loved by my self-approval.

I only have questions as a way of flirting.

any conversation gives me the feeling I belong.

being alone is eventually a need for breathing air.

following rules is like my pledge of allegiance.

having manners and politeness is my wardrobe.

everything making sense from there,

is driving me crazy.

I am the same Christmas gift every day.

this is way worse than boredom.

I feel duped beyond repair.

I don’t know how to see beyond the ordinary.

yes, we are all in agreement but floating to where?

reality is like a dating service for profit by hustle.

certainty has become the unending pretend.

I wake up to a clutch and am reply as in override.

talking to myself clearly can not be trusted any more.

all I get is, shut the fuck up and keeping rowing.

some might call it a state of mind as it is passing.

think has turned into a repeated prayer without sense.

I am the Siamese twin of myself that is dying.

the other me can’t be bothered with details or chatter.

that me, maybe on the wrong planet

or here in the right place but at the wrong time.

maybe I asked for the embrace of the void

but instead I got the skills to gather riffraff unendingly.

I am not saying any of this as complaints.

I am sort of talking out loud to see if I have words.

I am eavesdropping on my own self-conversation.

the me who is listening lives closer to the truth.

this one of me fell for the whole reality package.

it has no return address and so I have to talk it out.

that, to me, is a form of deliverance.

my sanity is as a listener 

as well as my human predicament.

somehow, having said what I have said,

I am better in a coping way.

my spirit has a life somehow buried deep within.

being a person is a load to carry

but having spirit takes away the gravity of it all.

reality, as such a pretend, is duly noted.

I am okay with the cover up, for now.

if you are also out there in disguise,

when we meet, wink twice,

take a deep breath 

and share by presence,

more deeply, 

from where we come . . .