staring down a bitter truth
slapped upside the head with the facts repeatedly
said it to myself in different ways
but the same result is smacking
thought I would smart up with insight
some sort of thinking outside the box
but the truth survived my repetitiousness
damn, in that regard
but then I had to ask
who of me is holding?
who of me is struck down by the truth sustaining?
so then, who in the hell of me is holding it up?
up into my face so to speak
I’m in a state of self-contention in a roar!
normally I rationalize into a so-hum of mediocrity
but this shit is face to face somewhere inside me
instead, I am angry in defense of what devours me
why am I so divided as if living a lie?
I am not that lie but I act like it on its behalf!
I sideways hurt myself with the injustice of it all
I can’t right a wrong or make it all go away
I’m fighting mad at ultimately being mad!
I am self-disputed
as if the original issues are now just bystanders!
staring down a bitter truth
is an honesty within me,
fighting me about my lifestyle!
it isn’t a truth attacking me
but a truth from deep within me
and the bitterness is that contrast
between the mind-game and my heart
staring down a bitter truth
is a deeper recognition
then I have a mindset or a lifestyle for
surely I am a jerk of projection
but wanting the journey of heart for real to happen
and pissed at these my calling cards that read me
I am too smart to dumb down
and too down to straight up set me free
but staring down this, a bitter truth
is the tool of a now
that is truly a need for me . . .
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