My daily start up 3/10/15

Woke up, sobering in the moment. That last thought, like a billboard blown passed me, but looking back up the mind mirror of memory’s road then of course, it fades as now is seepage of new thoughts imposing. I stuff my self on visual identifiables. Could name all of it but the imaging is enough to fill in the bland of it all. Whatever there was of a stillness around me or maybe as me, shivers standing near my current attention. Knowing I should have orientation and impetus to carry on. That’s what people do. Keep up with their character on other people’s stages. My, taken-for-granted body, gives me props, familiarity, like they don’t ever go away from familiar. Sure hands I notice, sometimes face, but the rest, outside of pain calling out locales, not so much. That what-to-wear thing has its in-phase too. I have someone else of me deal with that, can’t be bothered today, well most days also. I have enough trouble with excess heat from this morning’s pillow being claimed as mine. I am not admitting but there could have been night sweats that have now dried. I needed a time frame, like, day of the week, that’s a measure of how inert I feel. I get the morning thing with the light and visual recognitions all around, indoctrinating and solidly staring back. Soon vertical, dressed and some sense of the maze before me. But still puzzled by how straightforwardly flat this all is and yet I haven’t really landed myself in this body, into my dailies, and in self-character and ready to roll. Yes, there is the surge to get up and do. But also there is a deep look-see watching me but without contention, just me, back there and soothing. Sort of like a disconnect but filled with a feeling of emphatic circumspect. A surveillance with a energetic fragrance and a calling. It seems I spend most of my day life running from this. It’s a rarity for it, this part of me, to smoothly fit in. I know I have tried or actually it has tried me. I have found surrender some of the time. It works best then when I am originally from there and my day life finds a means to assist and represent this. Those times are dream like and those days are blessed. Maybe this has been my ongoing battle. But more so, I surrender now up to this, every chance I get, even if my daily start up is generally this congested . . .