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Friday, July 11, 2014

Bone Of the Heart * 7/11/14


Sometimes in their light romantic conversation, this inward response ripenes towards an expression of strength. It would appear for him, spontaneous, picking her up into his arms, together, spinning round and round, bounding with unnamed zeal, comforting her deeply. There were, of course, other times being consumed with agony over his unconquerable separateness. Dancing proved to lighten his journey, make buoyant her impenetrable private world. Always, there is a growing in his heart, far beyond how he had known, far beyond his sense to love, even of himself. As always a suddenness of enormous pain, setting him off, recognized as an overwhelming yearning for her, held as a need, yet to completely surrender to her. For in some unknown way, his spirit had to come to life through her, in one pure consuming selfless passage. Out of this involuntary pain came the yearning, and from this yearning, a consuming surrender. Only then to find himself, fallen back into his separate experience. This time, he sadly finds an unspeaking transfixed part of him that he is unable to fully realize. In the past, this inward weeping from his heartfelt expanse, rewarded him with a deeper sense of being and love. Today's feelings leave him with no recourse but to be this awareness, to somehow embrace himself from beyond its meaning and receive his un-earnable own self-love, without internal extremes, without paradoxes transfixed or shudders of reaction shared with her. Immersed in this awareness, he hears her spirit say from within to within, "you are now like a child, growing so fast that your bones hurt, especially this bone of your newborn heart that now beats the drum of you. Grip for yourself, this bone of the heart and drum yourself up, drum yourself up" . . .

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