also for viewing

check out my video haikus
and slideshow videos on youtube at "junahsowojayboda"


Sunday, December 29, 2013

Fractured * 12/29/13



I would gladly exchange worn self-justifying
opinions for freshly bludgeoned feelings.
Feelings that invisibly pull me along
and truly capture me into a self-animation
towards a deeper truth yet undefined.
I can unintendedly hide forever
what is so obviously pain filled
and unresolved to me.
I cannot say this pain into any words
that would immediately set me free.
It is a riddle of my self parts that, in my mind,
would rather problem then solve.
I am blindsided by flashpoints
that stir me into storm.
From there, I even speak the light
in drunken passage to the delight of others,
receiving calm.
In a deeply private way,
this censures me
as if I were stealing from myself.
Small deaths by another’s hand
are a priority over self-deceit.
I fight momentous battles
to avoid conflicts over soul.
My epiphany is impulsive
and bolstered by others’ auras to imbibe.
If bleakness and brightness were
my all night companions on the train of life,
I would gladly sleep with bleakness
into each day’s dawn so that false hope
would have no residence inside of me.                                   I would shun brightness
so that dawn would not confuse my day life
with my dreams.
For me, wounds of false hope are worse
than self-redemption as a claim.
Even pseudo worth against the blackness
is a measure I can live on without refrain.
If help is on the way,
it will have to surface in me
as service towards others
who are more obviously in pain.                                            It will have to slip into me
as a need on my part
in helpful service to another.
It has to be a deepening of love
I unselfishly give to another
that some how returns to me.
A second hand self love,
is given back in return.
For I would rather attend
to the open wound of another
than notice the compound fracture in me . . .

No comments:

Post a Comment