Sustainable oneness? * 10/27/13

I was in your breath

before it had a thought to serve.

I was a fluid in you

before it became a secretion.

I was connected through you

before the bioelectricity relayed it

as a message,

before skin to skin as touch

offered a soothing self-entry.

I was eye-to-mind contact

before recognition had some semblance

of self in receivership as frame.

I was shared senses

pondering if the meaning of input

could ever produce an orientation

for a life-story worth living.

I was also every next person in your face

yet seemingly isolated away.

I was as well,

every waiting-station remembered

as a presence asking

for a meaningful life to unfold.

I sampled every fear

I could get my heart on

as if I had junkie potential

just to satisfy

what curiosity would throw in my face.

Sure, I had wonder,

that I couldn’t land in my person

or to do anything about it,

but it, that it, wouldn’t go away.

Even meaning only proselytized

towards the truth of me I needed.

I had moments on intimate proximity.

I had seizures of the grand

and daydreams without closures.

But worst of all,

I had the methods and madness of audience, 

the persuasions of experience,

as if I could never belong in the oneness.

This then produces the life of aftermath

and the dreams and longings for futures

yet to be aftermaths.

I am not ‘I’ as a standalone.

I am not ‘I’ just as an ego residence.

I am the unrealized oneness of us all,

spouting out these remarks

as if language was ever in the service

to this oneness cause.

I only have an ‘I’

as if on the outside looking in.

Otherwise we are all only one “I”

without any of this distraction

as a lessening of our oneness

to consciously begin . . .