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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

set me free * 12/31/13

All highs have no real shelf life
and all the lows are constantly re-dusted
at eye level almost every day.
In that light, if blackness was a color,
I would have a full spectrum of crayons
in various shades of black.
If bluntness was an eagle scout merit badge
then I have taken
the high road to achievement.
If my soul could have a shell of karma
then it would be difficult
for me to leave that home.
I have a passion for dismissal
in self-deprecating ways.
I seek the harshest representation
of internally administered self-reprimand.
I am both captured and enamored
from within these internal landmarks
of grounding discord
that I can assuredly survive.
I somehow trust
in their reality honesty within me
to always declare me as my darkest hour.
If times like these were like tides,
then surely there are times
I am reduced to gasping simply for air
and this ocean around me as buoyancy
is mercy granted
and I am humbled into the oneness
within this egoless flow.
I so easily can declare
my baseline cynic’s self-view
but I cannot defend nor condone
any sense of my spirit on the rise.
If I am possessed,
it has to be in an empty way.
I love for the light in all beings to display.
It is for me to honor as virtue
what light comes to me in this way.
Yet I prefer a smoldering of darkened lessons 
that shadow me as I go.
I am critical
of the low of embodied conscious presence
and yet moved by the high
of disappointment’s reward.
I have deadpan faith and a denial
as my comfortable greeting style.
I shun merit as an advancing means.
No effort of my innocence can be valued
because I have no innocence untarnished
by emotion’s indulgence as a suffering style.
It is only from the hearts and minds
of those I serve
that evolution will sneak up
and set me free . . .

Monday, December 30, 2013

Weather (haiku) * 12/30/13

don’t know what to say?
weather can be a topic
rain, cold, heat, snow, what?

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Fractured * 12/29/13

I would gladly exchange worn self-justifying
opinions for freshly bludgeoned feelings.
Feelings that invisibly pull me along
and truly capture me into a self-animation
towards a deeper truth yet undefined.
I can unintendedly hide forever
what is so obviously pain filled
and unresolved to me.
I cannot say this pain into any words
that would immediately set me free.
It is a riddle of my self parts that, in my mind,
would rather problem then solve.
I am blindsided by flashpoints
that stir me into storm.
From there, I even speak the light
in drunken passage to the delight of others,
receiving calm.
In a deeply private way,
this censures me
as if I were stealing from myself.
Small deaths by another’s hand
are a priority over self-deceit.
I fight momentous battles
to avoid conflicts over soul.
My epiphany is impulsive
and bolstered by others’ auras to imbibe.
If bleakness and brightness were
my all night companions on the train of life,
I would gladly sleep with bleakness
into each day’s dawn so that false hope
would have no residence inside of me.                                   I would shun brightness
so that dawn would not confuse my day life
with my dreams.
For me, wounds of false hope are worse
than self-redemption as a claim.
Even pseudo worth against the blackness
is a measure I can live on without refrain.
If help is on the way,
it will have to surface in me
as service towards others
who are more obviously in pain.                                            It will have to slip into me
as a need on my part
in helpful service to another.
It has to be a deepening of love
I unselfishly give to another
that some how returns to me.
A second hand self love,
is given back in return.
For I would rather attend
to the open wound of another
than notice the compound fracture in me . . .

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Captions (haiku) * 12/28/13

 captions in thin air

cartoonesque but left unsaid

know what I’m thinking

Friday, December 27, 2013

half and half * 12/27/13

If you slash your wrists
with just a perception
of a glass half empty
then surely you will discover
the healing powers
from a glass half full.