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Friday, May 25, 2012

What is this? * 5/25/12

What is this?

Something above and beyond

everyday thinking?

Something,

I wouldn’t think to think?

Not even sure if it makes sense,

but thinking it anyways.

Screw logic!

Where is this coming from?

It’s busy

and I don’t have words yet!

It’s not just meaning.

It’s internally environmental.

There are feelings astir.

My feelings

but I don’t know what?

It’s like playing tag

in the pitch dark.

Some things touch me,

while others brush close by,

and pass without impact directly.

The room size, as a backdrop,

keeps changing

and the room itself

is not stable but moving,

outside of its containment of me.

Wow!

I’m on a Ferris wheel, in a room,

that is on a barge,

in an ocean, while in a storm . . .

maybe.

I can’t get a grip

on the atmosphere itself

or the mix of motions.

And that’s not

what is really in my face

happening!

This is not an “aha” experience,

because I know what that’s like.

This has some elements of

“I’m loosing it” in it.

I don’t have my personal residence

of self on the inside.

I could easily not remember

any of this

and go into shock

or amnesia afterwards.

Are you with me?

It’s like someone took

meaningful words

and wrote them

on large pieces of confetti,

that are blowing by me

in slow motion

before my eyes

and I get meaningful impact

from each word by flutter

or by whoosh,

but it makes no sense.

I am emotionally swept up

and heightened by it

but I have no clue as to what?

Part of me likes it,

really likes this

and part of me

is really not happy about this

and pounding on the door

trying to get my full attention.

Like “snap out of this!

Do something!”

But I don’t wonderstruck want to.

Regular meaning

gets me nowhere.

Really, I’m just holding postures

with that poser stuff.

I’m in check

and then recheck.

At least with this

there is some free fall

and possibly expansive delight

in a clueless way!

Hey, nobody knows.

This is all happening inside me.

I feel emptier

but more expanded,

with less identifying grip

and stupidly,

more love….

Yes, this is the closest

I’ve been to love, self love,

in a long time!

weird!

I have no identity here

but I feel like more of myself.

I don’t know how to say that,

but that’s what I feel like.

And I would love to reach out

and touch someone from here,

like with a magic dimension.

And have them turn

and realize the same.

Simply,

realize the same . . .

What is this?

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