what was said

What can I say?

I defend myself

when I feel falsely accused

by the tone of your voice

and sometimes by topic.

Truly what gets said

does not address the hurt.

I would gladly abandon the pain

if I could see into you

behind what you said

but I feel cut off

and eventually responsible

blindly for these circumstances.

There is so much going on

within and below the surface

in times like this of desperation

when I feel attacked.

I had other options

but was mired in frustration.

I do not seem to possess the skills

to see myself clearly

and right then the heartache

becomes the mentor.

If I could respond

so that you felt acknowledged.

But many times,

especially like this,

I do not know how right then.

I do not want to agree

with what you are saying

as my means of concession.

I have no place in my person

to falsely be diplomatic.

Essentially, it is all or none

and somewhere deep inside,

worth dying for, in principle.

I feel like we are both suffering.

We both miss each other’s touch.

We become hyper-vigilant

over what?

Our presence with each other

is unsaid

in spite of the drama.

I am full heart sorry

that I have not met you

where you have pain over this.

I do not want to shy away

but the juices of defense

are quick to arise.

I want to help alter the situation

but my efforts are slowly rewarded.

It is a long road to unraveling

and I am sadden as if distracted.

There is always the waiting,

waiting for things to unfold

before we can lay claim

to the commons of our stories.

I would like to speak to the issues

but I am reluctant

feeling already dismissed.

Issues aside,

I really only want to cry

feeling relief in your arms.

Beyond what was said,

I want to profess my feelings for you

without all these words

and be rediscovering

what is essentially so . . .