I would not say

At this experiential outset

I find in myself

a full steadiness,

comfortably honed

with full attention.

There is a quiet consuming focus

in a relaxed and attentive silence

yet really active

but not distractive within,

like rowing a canoe

with a simple gaze on the water

and a body feel working the oars,

not looking up, consumed

in a motion and the rhythm feel.

Yet somewhere in the distance,

a slight compromise of attention,

enough to be slightly recruited

to curiously track what that is.

Sound that demands

more attention

to comprehend exactly what it is.

And slowly

my deliberate introspection

shifts in its ongoing manner.

There is tone and cadence,

I hear it as a voice.

It does not sense me.

Of course,

I am inwardly saying this

while this voice,

much clearer now

conversing in full sentences.

I know the language,

understand the words.

It is meaningful

like a conversation

at a next table.

It floods other levels

of my person,

alerting me

in unexpected ways.

The voice is almost familiar.

I am now flush

with expectation.

Impending surprise

is forth coming.

But an unexpected trapdoor

opens to my certitude

of expectations.

Boom, that voice, is mine!

It is coming out of me!

I am peculiarly overwhelmed

yet a stealth approaching.

I am incredulously

in the same body,

behind a voice

speaking as me.

By slippery nano-seconds

of flurry,

I was able to blend back

into my same voiced

person’s delivery.

But I did it

as if script reading

without interruption

of deliverance.

Inwardly startled,

tickled, and flushed

but steadied

into a calm projection

as if continuing to speak

but from deeper inside me.

Shocked but reconnected

to the say.

It was bizarre inside

of commonplace.

I continued

in a multi-task way,

audience

none the inwardly wiser.

I could answer

further questions

but none were needed.

It was like waking up

with no frame

in mid-sentence delivery.

There was a momentum

of speech

I pretended to own

as my own words.

No one questioned my say.

I let myself back in

but surely wondered

on what I just recently said.

I would not say

I was not saying

what I was

but what can I say?