Great moments in my life

Some one could surely ask,

what are some

of the greatest moments

in your life?

And up to a certain time

in my life,

I could have contemplated a bit

and recited

a conversational account

of those great moments,

their formulation,

the back-story,

the lucid details,

the apparent outcome

and the eventual consequences.

But at some point,

it became clear to me

that I really have

no great moments in my life

nor do I wish to acquire any.

For me,

living from events

is a process of self-sabotage.

It puts me into a field

of mindful expectations

and justifying results.

I would feel acqusitional

for events

to be my measure of being.

And by this method,

I am not really present for now

but secretly and or subtlety

living in search of more

of these events

to titillate and tantalize

my life along.

All of which radically

and consummately

misses the point.

At best,

there were aha experiences

that functioned as wake up calls,

that were transcendent doorways

towards inner awareness

and passages

that gave me a self-permission

to embrace

what was already there

within me

but somehow not perceived

or considered available

in such a direct way.

Means that became manners,

operationally self-insightful

and ongoing from within me.

Things that became

part of my consciousness

as inner awareness

and self-generative ambiance,

that assisted me

towards a means of drawnness

and a method of further inspiration

and a deeper sense for attention.

I could talk about them directly

in light of being attributes

but I could not

actually assign them

to a story about an event

in my life as authorship.

I have never had

a list of a hundred things

I have to do before I die

because for me,

that feels so outside in,

like I am acquiring worth

and not creating

out of what I value.

To me, manifest

should be the celebration

not the coronation.

Sure there are things to do

and get done

but for me, it feels like

all is from the inside out.

What beckons, what calls

as mediums

of giving, creating and expressing.

Everything else is listless

cyclical, and secondary.

We are conditioned

and enculturated

so much for events to occur

or to frame what is happening

in an eventful way

when really,

what is most valuable,

what we are most receptive to,

what is most integrative

is quite in the ambiance of life.

I value the presence of people,

the background sounds,

the quality of light in the day,

the intimacy of others,

the lightness

and emptiness of beings,

colors in nature,

the range of vibes off of folks,

intentional communion of people

for a cause,

the sensing of

spirit-to-spirit shared,

perceptions of the moon cycle,

sunsets with regularity,

breathing freely,

emotional presence

by most any means.

These would be considered

by me as great events in my life

in almost low-key

non-eventful ways.

It could not be my say

that would answer to this

as your question.

At best,

you would not want to go there

nor eventfully arrive

at that question

at all.

And we would be just here

together ongoing in our day.