also for viewing

check out my video haikus
and slideshow videos on youtube at "junahsowojayboda"


Friday, November 6, 2009

The unknowable source of pain

Pain is a callout, but from what as the source?

Beyond where the hammer hits the nail,

beyond the intimacy of face to glass,

beyond where pain is consuming, detailed,

articulate, elemental, essential, and cause,

beyond the pleading interpretive sense of it,

beyond the affect subjectively assigned,

beyond that declared flashpoint of itself,

beyond the simple words to self describe,

it throbs, its sore, it aches,

it is sharp or numb or deep, it hurts,

how could we know of pain more than that?

Take for example,

the initial experience of tap water.

There, before you know its temperature,

there is entry into a whole other world

of sensing and awareness and dynamics,

where before it happens to you,

you happen to be it?

To explain, before you feel the hot or cold,

you feel the weight of the water,

before that, you feel the field of your hands,

before that, the atmosphere around your body

as an awareness ongoing of input and outgo.

What would that be like

to go beyond that depth of being unaware?

To go to those first nanoseconds of initial pain

as if it were a deep shadow of your vital being?

Say for this moment,

you had a great singing voice but didn’t know.

Not just a good sounding pleasant voice

but a singing voice that had soul qualities

imparted when you sang.

The kind that people responded to

through emotional attention and tears

and cathartic output as presence replies.

How to accidentally discover this source?

As if pain is the doorman, how do we enter?

For we are carriers of unreleased dimensions

as with singing, that sway and dance our souls.

Reality is supposedly our training wheels delight!

In it, we are moments of pain as eventful,

grossly accountable, even storyable.

But in the initial nanoseconds of pain,

there is a chance to tap into

an alternate sense of being

where our life force is sent out on assignment,

eventually reduced into bodily express.

Could we be conscious of that process?

The historical mindset is that pain is doing us,

not that we are creatively doing the pain.

Pain as a presence in us

is us preoccupied with pain,

as much as limbs and breath and thoughts.

Such is the undisclosed deep well of pain.

Pain is not eventful but we make it so.

Pain is not separate from us

but we frame it as such.

Pain then becomes symbolic and separate

as a back door to our deeper selves

otherwise undiscovered and unattended.

Pain, put to language, is not what truly applies

but it is what we do with it to distance.

Pain seems to play the body as an instrument

but we are the musicians of being

playing the instruments of our bodies.

So what is the melody and lyrics of that song?

Pain only occurs in movement as display.

We are that unacknowledged bliss of movement

as pain is only listening from the outside in.

We are playing from the heart inside to out

as the holy grail of bliss that remains illusory,

buried within as the unknowable source of pain.

No comments:

Post a Comment