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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Having a G moment

Cliff note:

Less then a week ago

a very dear and close friend died.

Over the past two years

we had spent a lot of time together,

she had been stage 4 cancer

with complications and surviving.

The next morning, after she had passed,

I awoke to this . . .

and so I have written about it a

and now share this with you.

(4:14 am,

in the process of having a G moment)

Here I am, once again,

at the stark raving trap door

fall through no escape emptiness

of the absence of you.

From the shimmer and glow,

bathing in the presence,

the unendingness of the basking,

the floating in the gracious rise,

low key and softly subtle,

freely given as being there and love,

to the stark raving trap door

fall through no escape emptiness

of the absence of you.

What unexpected gaping raw incision

of now has lead me to this

stark raving trap door fall through

no escape emptiness

of the absence of you?

Have I,

with your ever constant assistance,

gone beyond the smallness of me,

to embrace a larger world of love

and connectedness and consideration,

only to fall back into this,

the stark raving trap door fall through

no escape emptiness

of the absence of you?

I feel small and lost

as a scrambling self again.

The stark raving trap door

fall through no escape emptiness

of the absence of you

has reminded me

of the fragileness of life

and life shared with

and in the presence of others.

May you always remind me of how

we were and what it means to be in

and with that presence of another.

I take from the barren pretend of now,

the richness offered by you upon me

and build onward and anew as we,

you and I, journey on in new forms

as the same essential connection

through presence and sharing.

We go where we need to,

we give what we can

and we shared as always and then some

with others as also part of us

as part of them.

Ever widening the blessedness and beauty

cultivated as we did from then

unfolding onward into now.

I drink from the strength of you

and am living it forward.

Feel honored by my thoughts,

blessed by my feelings

and always present in my heart

with the gifts you gave and shared

with me as you,

as I share forward with others,

on behalf of your strength,

in the light of your wisdom,

and in the honoring of the spirit

of you.

Friday, October 30, 2009

I feel as if

I feel as if

we are all

somewhat persons of destiny

we are called

vacantly called

humbly and impassively called

though muted and subdued at times

but called

to and through

the presence in small things

as they are true to the moment

but our minds are slow twitched

always with interpretations ongoing

though the senses never lie

but miss things even the obvious

and the inner dialogues

of constancy and reminding

and the face to face as an honoring

for us to convey

yet through all of this as medium

there we are as a singular message

as a deeper meaning reflecting light

in the meldings from within

yet abounding all around

the camouflage given from diversity

inferring an incomplete oneness

honoring towards the outing of now

Thursday, October 29, 2009

a cognitive god

so you wanted a cognitive god . . .

you had to come from understanding

you assumed that was a neutral site

. . . like god should fit into words

. . . be mindful

. . . have a dialogue

that could apparently soothe

maybe god is a postcard

sent your way

a little note

left on a nightstand near by

something in colors

you often like

a character that has story potential

you could tell

eventually to others

you wanted to make god

. . . pretend your world alive

you are shaken in your reality

. . . as earnestness

you wanted god as cause worthy

you have the etiquette of presumption

you are a polite paparazzi

searching for soul

I hurt that you understand me

well enough to not understand

what I am going to say . . .

any action

that does not complete itself

is hiding from itself . . .


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

When is when

when I speak

I work

for the agency of aloneness

when I love

I am

the living towards oneness

when I do both

I have the life

of confusion I am living

when I tell you this

I am asking

for your forgiveness

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Experience is an afterthought

experience is an afterthought

a fall back if all else fails

a safety net of account

beyond the edginess that would be real

without antennae into receivership

in front of the senses import if time

nanoseconds before pay off were sought

before logic adheres

before objectification stains

before focus assigned

without linearity’s wellbeing

preexistent without declaration

no one way for the all of it

where eventuality would be debris

that that if that

would have no words for it

cohesive without possession

confluent without parts

immersion without identity

can’t know of it and be

take it all off and go into the now

experience is an afterthought

Monday, October 26, 2009

Not to leave

Not to leave things

the way they appear

in your mind.

Not to leave

not even to entertain

comings and goings

for they only reference

and affirm as a method

of eventful and distant.

My mind

is always yelling for help

drowning in preoccupation

yet slippery in denial of being.

My experience attempts

to meet everything

as familiar and expected.

I am starved

for diversity’s oneness

as the riddle of many forms

leading to the oneness

of appreciation and source.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sequel’s one

preoccupied attentively to every next need

compliant as in forms of immersion

aching for light to fill, reflect and inspire

all as an ambience to yearning eyes

fill in the emptiness as vast could comprise

rush the visual warmth as feelings unhampered

go beyond what meanings could embrace

into a medium of permission given full flight

beyond days without nights filled with envy’s wait

and nights without days in compassion’s recovery

seamless passages of paradox and perfection

now to give praise for one communion

senses all craving towards one aspiration

the service of intention is to reflect one means

there are no margins of error to dissect or dismiss

all is meld away from the wistful

for nothing is taken up that is not its own whole

yet all is of reflective beauty and delight

accord existed before, during and after reception

that which was sad is made less eventful in truth

where like attracts like is a way of life

breath is the exchange of appreciation

that the air fills with as resolute

that life is love’s reclamation as one sequel’s one

Saturday, October 24, 2009

The theory of fun . . .

ever seen fun? . . .

that’s a spectator.

ever done fun? . . .

that’s a memory.

ever been fun? . . .

shows promise.

am fun . . . .

that’s lifestyle!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Grim to grind to grand

We assume void and vacancy as a

logical basis of fear. We presume a

mind fill to compensate. We have a

sense of declared order by

agreement to agree. We promote

dominance before emergence. We

reside in power over empathy. We

express understanding as separatism.

We are methods of prejudice rather

than alliance. We have entitlement

as expectation. We pridefully love

as allegiance. We display willfulness

as self. We are personal wealth over

trust. There are a thousand indirect

choices that debilitate us daily. Even

the notion of choice is a falsehood.

We do not pay attention to the flow

and ambience of life through the living.

Our claim is to leverage or collude or

outsmart or out effort or luck out.

Our essential wealth appears in a

comparative way. We have needs for

display to feel conclusively good about

our individual selves contextually. We

have staged the planet and most

everything else at times to do so. We

have no simple turn on or turn around.

With endless wealth to start, many

would still be unhappy within their

predicament. If we can’t accessorize

other humans in act outs, then how

are we to feel good about ourselves in

comparison? We are not

companionable or kinship to basic

human accord. Anything exterior

cannot make our shared collective

soul appear and sooth the savage

beasts within. A diet a pathos seems

to adequately distract us into a

togetherness. The continuing success

of cumulative human failures

promotes us towards a greater letting

go and joining in at the same time. If

we cannot simply know how to

capitalize or personalize, we deny or

dismiss. We still claim practical

‘knowledge is ‘bell curve’ mentality’.

From the beauty of that premise of

predictability, we have gained our

ultimate imprisonment. We will, at

some future time, look at our brain

functions by electrical and chemical

means, and say something beyond the

nature of symbols, and politics, and

species. As an example of how hard

that road will be, we have the issue of

climate change. It is as an issue of

concern and we could not all possibly

agree with less clarity as a species. I

am sorry but we all need a collective

lap sit, at least about once a month

until we could do it spontaneously,

on call at any time. This is not an

answer but a non-sequitar break in

the action. A messing with the model

until a vision comes that is more soul

evocative in nature. One where the

planet itself is acknowledged also.

One where ‘happy feet’ is community

life within each being shared up and

down the ecosystems that we generally

ignore. Currently, we are a self-parody

and deeply acting out in an agreement

of omission. For me, our method of

experiencing puts us very much at

effect. We are the pride of results.

What would it take for each of us in

our own self-discovery way, to

channel our selves from a collective

pre-experience basis? To be more

psychically aware, to be more

intuitively alert and generally more

emotionally inclusive as an initial basis

of going forward into our day.

We would have to come to bare

our collective soul to daily conscious

joyous tasks. Sure, we are a smart

species but basically unto ourselves as

gratification hungry. We have made

false assumptions about our

relationship with the planet in doing

so. We have misguidedly presumed a

perspective of self as ‘species

important’ to serve our ‘special

needs’ as so entitled. This

presumption is coming back to haunt

us. Future generations will tell us so.

We are elitist and are really at home

and comfortable in our skin in doing

so. Our methods and usage of

experience is over-rated. We are

profoundly inexact at being human.

Every human is on a deeper journey

to return to a oneness shared and

expressed. Everything about this

planet is party to that as celebration.

There is no disrespected ‘it’

subjugated into service to anything

else. All is not in our declared sense

of order. All is not accountable to us.

As much as we are accountable for it.

The planet is not by our decree. It all

is what it is without deference to us.

There is the deep stir within each of

us privately and yet we are massively

entangled with daily overwhelm. We

do not have an apparent collective

method for timeout and recovery. But

in spite of all of this: we are indirectly

building by our daily habitual denials

in a direction. We are inadvertently

under the guise of personal and

private suffering for the stir grand

enough to become the focus point

for declarations anew to be launched.

We are subversively attending to a

greater cause and with keen

avoidance of acknowledgment as

such. We are giving birth to new

methods of conscious awareness

but undisclosed as such. We are all

secretly in training to share from richer

worlds from within. We seize the

smallest of opportunities to go

unnoticed but yet explore the

intimacy of shared self in new ways

and means. We are expanding but

unseen into global awareness that

we cannot openly declare. Minor

facets of intrigue trigger in our brains,

flutter in our hearts, and call from

deep within. Each grain of singular

attention is on the move. We do not

fully comprehend what is the moving

force behind all of this. At times, it is

personally scary and we tense up and

withhold. But like a newfound grain

of sand in motion, the momentum of

relaxation towards a greater cause is

at work from within each of us. It is

by some other means than we have

our methods of control over. Another

dimension that does not work by

Newtonian logic or means is at play.

We have agreed to play without a

decision being made. It is

non-negotiably happening. We remain

undercover. We are communicating by

other means that does not give in to

language or mind dominant methods.

We have spent so much time in species

character that we have taken ourselves

seriously! We were almost believable

to ourselves. Eventually our most

important method will be surrender

from the invocation of all the forms

of fear. There will be knowing method

from within unlike any before.

Certitude will not be its claim. The

term love will only exist as a verb.

Gratitude will be a method of

affirmation put forth. We will be a

re-invitation to come from the

oneness home.

All will be offered and afforded on an

optional basis. Some will stay small

and continue. Others will embrace and

return inward yet outwardly will

appear. It could be called a dance,

as a dance of all aspects of being as

being. It could easily be referenced

as a dimensional upgrade, for now

it would seem. The terms will melt

away. Focus will go beyond what it is

known to be. The expanse will be the

norm. There will be no one . . .

separate. There will be no personal

smallness essential or claimed as

necessary. We will not self-reference

as our means. Permission will be

self-evident without discourse.

There is no agreement for such

because there is no withheld-ness

of being involved. Purpose will be

inherent in each of us as celebration

untold. Such is the enormity of

presence as a oneness. We are one

beyond species, beyond planet,

within the universe.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


For me

experience it self

has become anthropomorphic.

I don’t know other people

from experience per say.

I have versions of them.

We have contracts

with each other

that are in constant negotiations.

Generally accepted

as in meeting expectations


I assign attributes to them

as they secretly act out for me.

Nothing being exchanged

need be original

and certainly not

necessarily authentic.

We cross assign predictability.

We share the distraction

and coping with life.

We are mutually under siege.

Because we are self-conscious

about being self-conscious,

we rarely share directly

what is assumed as hidden

but most humanly common ground.

Those moments of unassailed intimacy

are the treasures that form the bond.

The rest of the time is tolerance

or concessionary binds.

Edits do come often

but are minimally attended

and left mostly unsaid.

I vaguely experience

the presence of others

as animated beings

honoring their spirit directly.

Hardly anyone agrees to do that.

If and when that happens,

it is eaten up

like a nectar of choice

and soon devoured

as an event

of worthy consumption.

Sure it happens

and richly appreciated

when it does.

But it is not

a natural ongoing flow.

Whatever sets it off

even for myself

is a curiosity unto itself.

It becomes a self-hobby.

The forever search

for passion of being.

Something so unscripted

that it effortlessly appears

and self is present

and shared with others


Otherwise, we are captured

in binds

of overflows and overwhelms.

We are preoccupied

with busy displays

and measured efforts

as result and reward.

We are seduced into story

and manage a write, a live,

and an ongoing edit.

And that is exactly how

we became anthropomorphic

even unto our selves.

We live under

self-imposed assignment.

Expectation reinforces it to be.

No one is spontaneously free.

Even now spontaneity

can be a disguised form

of reactionary venting.

We so appreciate and love it

when children, young enough

are around.

They fountain as themselves.

They are original humans.

They cannot be


They give too much

to be seen as commodities.

We are all suppressed

of our child rock stars lives!

We stage ourselves

rather than accept

the stage we are.

We should not be versionary

when visionary dwells within.

Permission is its own mission!

The rest will naturally

and spontaneously occur.

It is in our devotion to absence

that we do not naturally appear.

We present as image.

There is this thickly caste

around us all

as our public persona.

Where did that get

so overly developed?

Yikes, a method of protection?

How strange

to be so self-estranged

and longing . . .