The contract

I made a contract with myself

to do selfless service

to make sure that what I did

was a purity of heart

that there was no gain

that what was done

came from a sincere place

in my being

that I was caring and loving

in manner

and that I had no ulterior motive

to gain

in whatever I did

what I failed to realize was

that a contract with myself

was a false assumption

of parties

I created a superior self

of judgment

and an inferior self

for acting out

I became

my own puppet of deed

and my own insularity

of approval

the two separates by task

were in a collusion

of self by presentation

one acting

in compliant good faith

while the other

rated and judged each act

there was no down time

everyone was on stage

purity of heart was waged

as a defense

no gain was evidenced

by others’ reaction

or from others’ tells

of motive accounts

that sincerity was always

a next feeling

as a fallback sense

of being self aware

that the art-form of caring

though a mutual performance

in nature

was perceived

as accomplished by feat

that loving was

the only apparent conclusion

and that no motive of return

could be observed

that no recourse of response

could claim

all of this

compelled

by secreted self-dialogue

an adroit measure

of self-management

extensively facile displays

where interactive succeeds

virtual

but as if it were really . . . real

validated

by surreptitious self approval

authenticated

as if consensually consigned

accountable beyond fallacy

to be perceived

righteous

as venerable could apparently gain

after all

how can self be

and not be self construed?

what I failed to realize was

that a contract with myself

was a false assumption

of parties

I had lost

my virginity of oneness

who has inquired

about all of this?

do they have a soul

of means . . . ?